


gravity blankets and hammers

by rocket_rach



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: And He is Right!, Barbara Joan Gordon is A Bad Handywoman, Cuddles, DIY youtube videos by southern grandpas who have big love for banjos, Dick Grayson thinks hes funny, F/M, Rainy Days, That fucking crack in the ceiling, but a very good hammer thrower, but cannot be bested, gravity blankets, that haunts everybody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 20:13:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18105659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocket_rach/pseuds/rocket_rach
Summary: dick's off world! there's a crack in the ceiling and barbara's gonna fix that son of a bitch





	gravity blankets and hammers

The Gotham Clocktower had lived through many renovations. In the 1800’s, years after it had been built, there had been a half-hearted attempt by a local villain to bring it down. In the 1900’s, it was gutted and retrofitted to help prepare Gotham City for the war to end all wars, then the second war to end all wars, then the red scare, then the other wars. Once Bruce Wayne had bought the dilapidated Clock that leaned treacherously over Old Gotham, he fixed it up for historical purposes for the public and bat themed purposes for his inner circle. But there was one crack, that now reached across the bathroom ceiling, that could never be fixed. Contractors and plumbers and structural engineers had all been tasked with fixing it; but none had succeeded.

Barbara Gordon was going to fix that damned crack if it was the last thing she’d do.

Dick was off-world for a mission, which meant he wasn’t around their place to lament the loss of the ceiling. A dusting of drywall was covering her face, hiding her freckles and making her look even more pale than she already was. Flakes were scattered throughout her hair from her rather violent hammer smashing she’d used to take down drywall. Her eyes drifted towards their bath. It was, regrettably, filled with the biggest drywall chunks.

“Mother _fucker_ ,” She hissed. Her emerald eyes spotted the crack in the wooden support beams. The thought of calling Kara over to just burn the whole roof crossed her mind. “I’m going to _get_ you.”

It was in that moment, Barbara Gordon realized she had no idea how to fix a cracked ceiling.

The crack dripped. So, Barbara chucked the hammer at the ceiling and wheeled back to her main computer hub. She had no idea how to fix it, but there was bound to be at least one YouTube tutorial she could watch. Dick wasn’t supposed to be back for another week. She’d have time to fix the crack, fix the ceiling and remove the old ceiling from the bathtub. She’d be fine.

The nice old grandpa who posted the video of how to fix ceiling cracks had a very deep, very southern accent. Plus, he had added banjo music in the background, which she thought was a bold and daring choice. Halfway through, the music abruptly changed into soothing piano melodies. They were so soothing that Barbara dozed off, covered in drywall dust while “Old Jimmy” blathered on about the importance of strong wood.

“Aah!” Someone screamed.

“Fuck!” Barbara yelped, startled awake in her chair.

“What- How did you get _paler_?” Dick ran to her side, cupping her face in his heads. “Oh my god. Are you dying? Is it cancer? Ho-how quickly does cancer appear? It wasn’t… one of the rogues. It couldn’t have been. I thought they were all locked up, I mean, Jesus. Babs, what the hell happened to you?”

“When did you get back?” She fired off, eyes blazing. “You told me you wouldn’t be back for another week.” 

“Why are you _so white_?!”

“It’s the ceiling. I’m fine.”

Dick tilted his head to the side, blue eyes wide in concern. His thumbs rubbed a little harder into her dimpled cheeks and sure enough, the additional pasty-ness was rubbing off. “What did the ceiling do?”

“It was raining. The ceiling wasn’t keeping all of it outside,” she leaned into his touch. “ _AndIwaskindofreallylonely_ ,” came out of her in a rush.

Dick leaned forward, his lips brushing hers. “Well, lets get Bob the Builder cleaned up.”

She nipped his lip as he pulled away. “I may have… repurposed the bathtub into a storage unit.”

“Barbara Joan Gordon!”

Dick got to his feet, throwing his hands into the air. He headed towards the kitchen, the dust from Barbara’s face spreading through the air with his movements. She could vaguely hear him cursing in Romani as he grabbed a hand towel and ran it underneath the faucet. Normally, she’d ask him to slow down so she could catch what he was saying. But he was back, and he was throwing a wet towel at her face and that was okay because he was unharmed and home. She caught the rag, wiping down her face, neck and arms. Leaning forward, Barbara dug her fingers into the roots of her hair and shook hard.

“You’re just making more work for Red Roomba,” he called as he prepared a bowl of Captain Crunch. “Listen, Joanie, can I call you Joanie?”

“Call me Joanie one more time, Richard.”

“Oh, Joan—” the rag Barbara had been using to clean herself up landed in Dick’s bowl.

He was up in a flash, charging towards her. Dick leaned down and picked her up. She landed over his shoulder, the air rushing out of her as he stomped towards their bedroom. As they passed the bathroom, the sound of water dripping stopped them.

“Barbara,” he began.

“Richard,” she added.

“There’s a hammer in the support beam in what was formerly the ceiling.”

Barbara leaned down and swatted his ass. “I should hope so, I threw it there.”

Dick started moving again. Once they were snuggled up under Barbara’s fluffy blanket and Dick’s heated gravity blanket, legs intertwined and fingers tripping over each other’s shoulders and hips, did they finally relax. Barbara had successfully tugged off Dick’s shirt while he was attempting to tuck her in, so now her head was resting on his pec, her fingers now tracing the lines of his abs.

Outside the Clocktower, the gentle rain picked up. Fat drops splattered against the clock face, smudging the already blurry silhouette of Gotham’s skyline. Dick tugged the fluffy blanket up around her shoulders. He pressed a kiss to her hairline as a bolt of lightning cracked through the sky.

“Babs,” he murmured. “There was another crack, did you see it?”

“It better not be in the goddamn bathroom,” she mumbled against his chest.

He laughed, pulling her closer to his body. “No, look outside.”

She turned her head, expecting to see the clock face riddled with fissures. But it was intact. Not even a scratch on it. Then, lightning lit up the sky. Dick laughed.

“It keeps happening!”

Barbara reached behind Dick and yanked his pillow from underneath his head. She hit him with it, trying to whack that laughter back into the space it just returned from. He caught her wrist and paused her assault long enough for him to capture her lips with his own. She leaned over him, dropping the pillow in favor of finding that small stubble that had appeared on his face. He was home, and he was home. She kissed the corner of his mouth, then up to his nose. They both laid still for a moment, nose brushing against the other. Warm blankets kept in the heat, keeping Dick nice and warm next to his wife. He didn’t even have to put his hands on the back of her neck to leech her warmth. Barbara sighed as she laid back down on his chest. They were finally calm, and content to watch the rain fall over their city.

They were so content, that both failed to notice the crack in the bathroom widening.

**Author's Note:**

> hooo boy this one got away from me but i managed to wrangle it back
> 
> i love these two nerds a lot and their roomba named red roomba
> 
> dedicated to all my creative wives <3


End file.
